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Today I spoke with Elizabeth Stock and Bonnie Gordon. Both are the type of woman I would describe as strong, a problem solver, a doer, women more used to helping others then asking for help themselves. Both were diagnosed with breast cancer in their 30s. One was diagnosed last year, the other 15 years ago. I met with each of them separately, but thinking back, it was almost like talking to the same woman twice, just 15 years a part. Elizabeth, the recently diagnosed – still grappling with many questions, and fifteen years later - Bonnie who has now sorted out some of the answers.

Elizabeth Stock

Elizabeth is six feet tall and looks younger than her 39 years. On her blog she describes herself as a “Photographer, Mountain Trekker, Tennis Player, Accountant, Breast Cancer Survivor.” When first meeting her, and by reading her funny, thoughtful and sometimes whacky blog (foto-monologue.blogspot.com), you wouldn’t guess she was an accountant. But eventually while relaying her story, the accountant side of her personality reveals itself with her very frequent use of numbers to site the specifics of her journey.

In November of 2006, Elizabeth, while putting lotion on after her shower, discovered a lump under her right breast. Since she had no family history of cancer, and her grandparents were all living into their 90’s, she wasn’t extremely worried. She made an appointment for January to get it checked out. After an exam they told Elizabeth that they “didn’t think it was anything,” but she should get a mammogram to be sure. After the mammogram they let her know that they wanted to do a biopsy but she didn’t have to do it immediately. Still not very worried, Elizabeth indicated that she’d wait until after tax season. “No,” her doctor then clarified. “I meant you don’t have to get it today, but within a week.” Amazingly, even then, Elizabeth still wasn’t overly concerned.

Then, On February 8, 2007, at the age of 38, Elizabeth Stock was diagnosed with breast cancer. Elizabeth had a lumpectomy and 37 lymph nodes removed, 34 testing positive. In March 2007, because her cancer was “motivated by estrogen,” she had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. The day after tax season, she began eight rounds of chemotherapy. This is also when she started her blog. In August she had 35 rounds of radiation. After chemo Elizabeth thought radiation would be easier. But she found that while chemo took its toll physically, radiation took its share emotionally. Elizabeth, having always been very active and fit, felt like she aged from 38 to 58 in one year.

Elizabeth explains that her blog “was therapy” for her. Sometimes reading it now she thinks she sounds “bipolar” or perhaps revealed too much. But then she remembers comments from readers telling her how reading her experiences had helped them going through something similar. Elizabeth tells me she wants to help other people with cancer, that she doesn’t want this time to go by without her using it to help others. When she says this, I sense that Elizabeth feels she should be doing this, almost guilty that she isn’t. That she is more familiar and perhaps more comfortable being the giver not the receiver of this sort of help.

I told Elizabeth that later on I would be meeting with a 15 year cancer survivor and asked if she wanted me to ask her anything. Elizabeth paused, fidgeted a bit and said, “I know it is going to get better…Is there a day that goes by that she forgets that she had cancer? After 15 years does there come a time when you aren’t scared? And then she adds with a bit of humor more typical of her personality, “And if so, how fast? I need to know.”

Fast forward and we have Bonnie Gordon. Bonnie just turned 50 and will be marking her 15th year as a breast cancer survivor in October. She is currently prepping for a 50 mile breast cancer charity bike.  Bonnie is smart, thoughtful and extremely insightful. When I tell Bonnie Elizabeth’s question, she begins nodding before I even finish, acknowledging that she knows what Elizabeth wants to ask and that she has an answer. Here’s what Bonnie said:

“I know what she is asking and the answer is “yes.” In the beginning you are like a horse with blinders, 100% focused on getting well and on your cancer. But eventually one day you’ll pause and realize, “there was an hour that just passed that I didn’t think about it!” Ah, OK. Then the next step, “I went through an entire dinner, and I laughed like I laughed before I had cancer. Oh my God, I can do this.” I can’t say when, but it will happen. But is there a true time when it doesn’t affect your life? No. Because, (A) You have scars, and (B) you never take your mortality for granted again.”

Bonnie Gordon

Bonnie speaks with a lot of women going through cancer. I mention to her that Elizabeth wants to help others as well. Bonnie felt it was too soon, “She’s not ready.” But Bonnie went on to say, “You will get exposed to the most wonderful people that you otherwise wouldn’t have. “But” she added, “guess what, they may not all [always] be here. You are now exposed to a group of people who have their life shortened. If you choose to be a part of this cause you choose to take the good and the bad.”

Bonnie spoke about her friend Nancy who after years of getting to that point of not thinking about her cancer, had a re-occurrence. Bonnie explained, “It’s an honor getting to know these people but it’s like walking through a mind-field. How come she stepped on it and I didn’t?” But Bonnie adds that she would not change one part of her life because it has given her the chance to meet all these wonderful people.

Each year at her annual appointment, Bonnie asks her doctor the same thing. “Do you have anything new?” And each year her doctors replies, “No.” Bonnie waits for the day when the answer will be “Yes, we have a pill that you can take [to prevent cancer]. And we are going to give it to your daughter too and she will never have to deal with it.”

I discovered while hearing their stories that both Elizabeth and Bonnie are patients at Prentice Women’s Hospital. The Key to the Cure funds raised by the Chicago Saks Fifth Avenue go to Friends of Prentice. This will be the 5th year Key to the Cure has supported Prentice Women’s Hospital, giving nearly $200,000 thus far.